I remember...

I remember red tulips blooming on the mulch line that leads to my the front door of the house I grew up in.

I remember blue skies spotted with fluffy clouds in Alabama as we drove down the freeway in our minivan toward the beach in the summer.

I remember green grass of the soccer fields at Avery Park where I spend so much time watching and playing soccer, softball and baseball.

I remember purple shoes that I insisted on wearing on our family trip to Washington D.C. when I was younger. I remember counting the steps leading up to the Lincoln Memorial and the blisters on the back of my heel.

I remember white pom poms that I would cheer with in the basement with my cousins.

I remember black velvety overalls that I wore to get my picture taken in the third grade and the Scotti Dog covered turtle neck I wore under them. I remember overall skirts and having the strap unbuckled during school.

I remember my pink and purple bike that I crashed into the side of a tunnel on a bike path in my hometown. I remember going fast and not being able to stop. I also remember my mom telling me later that I wasn't going fast at all.

I remember blue eyeshadow that we wore in middle school. I remember the sparkly blue kind that my best friend had, and I even remember thinking it looked good. I remember looking back at pictures and not believing we dressed that way. I remember when makeup was off limits except for eye shadow and lip gloss.

I remember green picnic silverware that we used to eat on our deck in the summer with bees swarming and the heat beating down.

I remember green and gold nail polish that was filled with sparkles and required scrubbing to remove. I remember painting our nails for spirit days, pep rallies and games. I remember when school spirit started to seem stupid.

I remember silver spray paint that covered the grass behind my apartment when I built a cardboard robot with a friend for a robot party for the magazine I edit.

I remember yellow rocking chairs sitting on the porch of a beach house we stayed at one summer. I remember sitting in them and letting the salty air sink in. I remember the summer my mom decided to paint our deck rocking chairs yellow, too.

I remember my cousin Katie and the time she was trapped in the shower when I stayed at their house. I remember my aunt telling her to hold tight until she finished her errands.

I remember my cousin Molly and the time she had a circular bruise from suctioning a glass to her face by breathing in. I remember when she didn't learn her lesson and did it again a few weeks later

I remember my brother Brad and the time he convinced my cousin there was a secret passage in our basement and I was hiding in it.

I remember my brother Brian and listening to music with him in our family room before his basketball games his senior year in high school.

ABNSC parts 3-5

This section of reading was different because the form varied quite a bit, as we talked about in class. I was really interested by the section titled “riddle” where he writes “Brothers and sisters I have none/ But that man's father is my father's son” (208). The Next section titled “that man's father is my father's son” delves further into Flynn's relationship with Jonathan, but I think that the riddle is a good representation of the entire book.

I think the letters that Flynn includes from his father are effective as a form of story telling. I think it illustrates the fact that he is trying to interact with him but he is pushing him away and even avoiding the homeless shelter because his father will be there. I think unanswered letters are a good way to represent this. It's one way communication.

I don't think the script form is as effective in this memoir. I think it uses this form to try to get away with more scene setting and description, but I think the description works better when it is slipped in and not so blatantly obvious. I feel like I'm watching the story unfold at times because I'm caught up in the language, this rough format distracts me from that. It's not something I would like to use in my own work.

Thoughts on Another Bullshit Night in Suck City

What I have enjoyed most about Nick Flynn's style so far is his ability to be blunt. He writes about events that had to be life shattering, but he writes about them casually. As if he is thinking "This is how it is and there's no changing it."

So far the memoir is primarily about his life and how he has been affected by his dad. What I am most intrigued by is the line where he writes, "If I let him inside I would become him, the line between us would blur, my own slow-motion car wreck would speed up." Flynn see's his life going in the same direction as his father's, but the only thing he's really done to thwart it is avoid his father.

I was also drawn in by Flynn's perspective on what is appealing about working at the shelter. "At the shelter no one asks where you come from or why you ended up there," he writes. As appealing as that may be to a man in the position he is in, he still has a desire to answer these questions. If he didn't there would be no book to read. I find that idea interesting because it creates a contrast between the silence he thinks he needs and the human desire to share stories.

Writing about writing

I found myself identifying with the quote we read in class from Thomas Larson in The Memoir and the Memoirist that read:


"Here is what it is like to be me, to face what I faced, to lose what I lost."

I felt that this quote identified with the essay I wrote for class last week. I saw it as a snapshot of my childhood in relation to those I shared it with. At times I felt that it was skimming the surface with silly stories and unimportant details about growing up with my brothers, but the sense of belonging I craved was an accurate representation of what I wanted then and where it took me.

The idea of loss is not as relevant to my essay. However, over the years change has led me to lose certain aspects of the relationship. If I had chosen to expand on the essay chronologically it could illustrate the concept of loss more clearly through showing what is lost as you mature and grow and how my realtionship with my brothers has evolved.

I remember..

I remember moving away from Cleveland. I remember running into a tunnel wall with my bike. I remember when I met my cousin the day she was born. I remember graduating from high school. I remember moving away to college. I remember wishing I was back home. I remember the first time I fell in love. I remember the first time I realized the importance of love. I remember singing christmas carols with my family. I remember the first christmas without my dad. I remember the friends who were there for me when I needed them. I remember buying my first comptuer. I remember deciding that writing was a way to clear my head. I remember song lyrics that map out my life. I remember how to get just about anywhere by bike path in Dublin. I remember deciding to transfer to Jerome. I remember renting my first apartment. I remember signing my life away to canoe before I was 18. I remember getting stuck in a tree in a canoe. I remember riding my first roller coaster. I remember the first time I tasted alcohol. I remember losing friends. I remember the first time I appreciated going to church. I remember passing out in church from the incense. I remember spending hours on end watching my brother play baseball. I remember taking a trip to Arizona. I remember my frist time on an airplane. I remember worrying the plane wasn't going to make it up. I remember getting into the car crash in West Virginia. I remember hiking with my roommate cause we were bored. I remember regreting that we had to make it all the way down once we got to "the summit." I remember wishing I could erase memories. I remember realizing that no memory is worthy of being erased. I remember noticing when my relationship with my mom changed when I moved out. I remember being scared of leaving everything I had learned as normal. I remember finding it disgusting that people would puke in a dryer. I remember finding out a lot of gross things about other people at college. I remember deciding that I wanted to write for a living. I remember thinking there was no way I could write for a living. I remember giving up when I shouldn't have. I remember mixing up my tennis swing and my softball swing. I remember riding in a car with my friends for the first time. I remember not being allowed to drive anyone for six months. I remember getting my drivers liscence. I remember driving to school in the pitch black before everyone arrived. I remember not liking coffee. I remember deciding that coffee is better than sleep in some cases. I remember being better at spanish when I was tired. I remember not doing things because I was scared. I remember thinking that there's no point in being anything other than who you are. I remember feeling sorry for people who put on a show. I remember driving at night in the summer with the windows down. I remember sitting on court street watching people go by. I remember thinking how rare it is to live in a town where noone really knows where they're going and everyone is trying to get there. I remember slipping and falling on the ice. I remember liking that there was someone there to catch me. I remember feeling weak. I remember feeling independent. I remember feeling like nothing could stop me. I remember feeling old for my age. I remember growing up too fast. I remember wishing logic could silence sadness. I remember wishing all that mattered was heart. I remember what it feels like when your heart and your head don't agree. I remember wishing time would stop in its tracks. I remember how it feels to feel music pulse through you on a warm day. I remember the way the sun feels on the skin. I remember feeling sand beneath my toes. I remember leaving the beach and wishing I could stay forever. I remember looking at the stars and feeling small. I remember the hope that comes with staring off into the horizon knowing there is more than this out there. I remember the empowerment of good friends and family. I remember loving without fear of losing. I remember losing. I remember putting everything on the line for a chance. I remember hating change. I remember realizing that change is how we grow. I remember feeling sad when good friends move on. I remember the moment I realized that no one can be any one place forever. I remember realizing college is a transition, and only that. I remember thinking I could never get as close to my college friends as I did to the people in my home town. I remember wanting to go to a small school. I remember saying I would never go to OU. I remember not understanding what others thought. I remember wishing I could speak like I write. I remember when I decided I could figure anything out if I just put it on paper. I remember wanting to share my thoughts with others. I remember being scared of the complete honesty that comes out in my writing. I remember wondering if the people I know realize that this is what goes on in my head. I remember wondering what goes on in everyone else's head. I remember when I started to appreciate the value of music. I remember realizing that music and poetry and language all go hand in hand. I remember when I wrote a poem I actually felt had meaning. I remember taking the time to stop and think. I remember being overloaded with the stress of life and forgeting to look at everything in perspective. I remember playing basketball in the summer with my dad. I remember hiting the tennis ball against the garage wall. I remember playing ghost in the graveyard. I remember slip and slide. I remember boomerball. I remember big barbie day. I remember my first visit to OU. I remember being intimidated by the college environment when I visited my brother at Dayton. I remember when I realized my cousins are like my sisters. I remember dreaming. I remember wishing I could go back asleep only to return to a good dream. I remember reading for fun. I remember browsing in a book store for hours. I remember taking pride in myself and my work. I remember taking sculpture and realizing it wasn't for me. I remember feeling sick. I remember being lonely. I remember having the house to myself and feeling comfort in silence. I remember waking up in the middle of the night scared because of new sounds. I remember not being able to sleep because my thoughts are more important.