Moving Water, Tucson (practice letter)

Dear Peggy,

Your essay is about a flood, but it's really about a shared experience of childhood. It's about "the flash flood inside us" (20). It's about the suspense and every one witnessesing the risk one child took and wishing they were him until it turns out badly.

The piece is extrememly short, which makes the story focus on speed, and the syntax helps the reader along and making the sentences rush out of their mouth like water. This is extremely effective and gives the piece a good rhythm.

The use of the collective we really shows that this is a shared experience. That the flood that is metaphor for childhood and the desire to be adventurous is not only within the boy on the piece of plywood it's a shared value.

The end of the essay is left completely open. It cuts off befre we find out what happened to the boy. Usually, I would say I want to know more. However, I think that it works in this essay. This is just a little piece of these kids lives, and they will go on despite the fate of the boy. It's a piece about the experience. It's not about what actually happened. It's about a feeling not the facts. I think this works well.